Hailey -
I mentioned to a friend the other day, that my little girl was going to be six years old this week. She got a big smile on her face and held up her fingers to show your age.... and that is when it hit me...
My little girl is on TWO hands now!
In that moment, time seemed to be moving very, very fast. I suddenly felt like all the things I want to do with you - the things that I haven't had time for yet - needed to be done before my very next heartbeat. I almost raced home to you... to make sure that your weren't taller or older and that you still needed me. Then I took a deep breath and remembered that there is still time. We still have time together, you and I. Our whole family can slow down a bit and enjoy each other in the present moment. Hopefully, it will be a several more years before you decide your mom might be too old or not cool enough to hang out with anymore. A time when we no longer share a couch cushion to watch a movie, but instead have our own spaces to occupy.... nearby but no longer together.
While each part of a child's growth has it's challenges and cherishes... this age, I think will be my favorite. You are old enough to listen, follow through and be independent - so tantrums are rare. At the same time, you are still young enough to love being with us... snuggles and kisses are still in abundance. Our love is visible and physical... not implied or taken for granted. Thinking back on that panic attack now, I'm grateful I had it. It made me think..."What am I doing to enjoy you right now... this very day, and every day...when you are at this incredibly special age?"
It seems like I am always busy...maybe that is an effect of 'working mother syndrome'. I go to work, make dinner, clean the house... (and on and on). Chores just seem to nibble away at the edges of my day until there is nothing left. I want you to know that even on those days... I still notice you - I still hear you. Sometimes, you are in another room, playing while I'm washing dishes... and I catch you talking to yourself. You always say something to make me smile and I need you to know that....
I'm listening.
Occasionally, my days are so long that I turn around to find you already in bed, tucked in... waiting for morning and the next day to begin - when my list of things to do will start fresh again. Those nights I often go into your room and sit with you while you sleep, laughing and wondering how you could ever possibly be comfortable in that position....
I see you, I'm watching.
Without question, you are the most important part of my day. Now that you are growing up and becoming so independent, I often feel that I take for granted the time I have with you. As a child, you don't understand the responsibilities that adults have to bear.... being an adult, I often forget that the most important thing to you is my time. With this letter I'm promising you, my most precious daughter... that I won't let these days pass by any longer. My daily lists will still be there, there is not bypassing the grind of adulthood. But when I'm using my fingers to count up the things I have to do everyday... I'll look down, and remember that you are on two hands now.
I will be making a second list of things not to forget... and it will have only one word on it... "Hailey".
I will be making a second list of things not to forget... and it will have only one word on it... "Hailey".
There is nothing in my life more important than time spent with you,
You are my everything Hailey.
-Love Momma
