Dear Hailey -
Your 5th birthday has come and gone and I am just now getting the chance to write this letter to you. Even though it has passed, it will be a birthday that I will remember for a long time.
You don't understand yet...but the three of us (you, your dad and I), have seen a lot of changes this year, and some of the biggest are only weeks (and days) away. The feelings I have had this year, have caused me to stop writing, as I lack the desire to keep rethinking everything that has happened. However, as the year is moving on, I am finding my ability to write and that need to again express my feelings.
We started off the year with a job change for your dad. This was a big scary decision that was very difficult to make. Even though it has been hard, it has been the right choice for not just your dad, but for all of us together. We are still taking it step by step - but we are supporting each other with love and patience... like a family is supposed to. Sometimes, all you can do is strap yourself into the roller coaster and close your eyes when the scary parts come on too fast.
Your dad and I also made the choice... just this month... to put our house up for sale. It sold very quickly and unexpectedly - with an offer coming in on your birthday... just 5 days ago (two weeks before you are to start school). As I write you this letter, our bid on another house has not yet been accepted and our immediate arrangements are very uncertain. It is an exciting time, but an anxious one as well.
In one week, you will be starting kindergarten. A new school in a new school district with new friends and teachers. A big step in itself - but with all the additional changes and how fast they are occurring.... it is becoming overwhelming. These things have all been good changes, but even those can be scary while you are in the middle of them.
One thing has remained unchanged through all of the crazy ways in which this year has unfolded - that is... how amazing you are and how much joy and love you bring to our lives. I honestly don't know how I would have handled this year without your incredibly silly imagination and sparkling laughter. On the days when all I wanted to do was sit down and cry - you were the force that brought me back down and made everything OK again. The constant examples of love and caring that you showed for you dad and I... made everything else seem far less dramatic and important.
You were simply... my unending source of laughter and perspective. All year long.
12 months ago, I was scared to let you go. I was afraid of sending you off to a preschool we didn't really know... and loosing my silly little girl. Tonight, I realized that more has changed then just my situation - I have changed too. My feelings and attitude are different then what they were before. I don't fear the changes I see in you anymore. I know now that they are giving you the strength to grow and become independent. Those same changes are giving me faith. Faith in you... faith in our future as a family... and faith that no matter what changes happen, I can handle them. It is a type of trust that comes only when you let go of fear. Sometimes, life really is like a roller coaster - it's only when you throw your hands in the air that you really begin to enjoy the ride.
I know things are unfolding as they are supposed to. Your loving personality is helping me to let go of my fear. I love you so much for that that all I can say is....
Your 5th birthday has come and gone and I am just now getting the chance to write this letter to you. Even though it has passed, it will be a birthday that I will remember for a long time.
You don't understand yet...but the three of us (you, your dad and I), have seen a lot of changes this year, and some of the biggest are only weeks (and days) away. The feelings I have had this year, have caused me to stop writing, as I lack the desire to keep rethinking everything that has happened. However, as the year is moving on, I am finding my ability to write and that need to again express my feelings.
We started off the year with a job change for your dad. This was a big scary decision that was very difficult to make. Even though it has been hard, it has been the right choice for not just your dad, but for all of us together. We are still taking it step by step - but we are supporting each other with love and patience... like a family is supposed to. Sometimes, all you can do is strap yourself into the roller coaster and close your eyes when the scary parts come on too fast.
Your dad and I also made the choice... just this month... to put our house up for sale. It sold very quickly and unexpectedly - with an offer coming in on your birthday... just 5 days ago (two weeks before you are to start school). As I write you this letter, our bid on another house has not yet been accepted and our immediate arrangements are very uncertain. It is an exciting time, but an anxious one as well.
In one week, you will be starting kindergarten. A new school in a new school district with new friends and teachers. A big step in itself - but with all the additional changes and how fast they are occurring.... it is becoming overwhelming. These things have all been good changes, but even those can be scary while you are in the middle of them.
One thing has remained unchanged through all of the crazy ways in which this year has unfolded - that is... how amazing you are and how much joy and love you bring to our lives. I honestly don't know how I would have handled this year without your incredibly silly imagination and sparkling laughter. On the days when all I wanted to do was sit down and cry - you were the force that brought me back down and made everything OK again. The constant examples of love and caring that you showed for you dad and I... made everything else seem far less dramatic and important.
You were simply... my unending source of laughter and perspective. All year long.
12 months ago, I was scared to let you go. I was afraid of sending you off to a preschool we didn't really know... and loosing my silly little girl. Tonight, I realized that more has changed then just my situation - I have changed too. My feelings and attitude are different then what they were before. I don't fear the changes I see in you anymore. I know now that they are giving you the strength to grow and become independent. Those same changes are giving me faith. Faith in you... faith in our future as a family... and faith that no matter what changes happen, I can handle them. It is a type of trust that comes only when you let go of fear. Sometimes, life really is like a roller coaster - it's only when you throw your hands in the air that you really begin to enjoy the ride.
I know things are unfolding as they are supposed to. Your loving personality is helping me to let go of my fear. I love you so much for that that all I can say is....
Thank you Hailey
Thank you for being my daughter.
I Love You - Momma
