Adventures in Sewing

I'm a creative person, always have been. Ask me to make something and my right brain revs up and takes over. Painting, drawing, cake decorating, scrapbooking...pretty much anything is fair game for me. I've even been able to create some knitted items - well, they are at least made of yarn so that qualifies as knitting in my book.

So it didn't seem like that big a leap when I started obsessing about getting a sewing machine a year ago. It was uncharted creative territory - my personal artistic rain forest, and I wanted to conquer it. The possibilities were endless. I would look at patterns and imagine the colors and fabrics I could use. My desire to explore these undeveloped urges was granted when I got a sewing machine for Christmas last month. Not just any sewing machine mind you...I did my research. My machine is endorsed by Martha Stewart! I could not fail!

I know lots of people that sew and do a great job of it. If you give my friend Robert a sewing machine, he turns into MacGyver and can make an incredible Halloween costume out of a grocery bag and a roll of twine. I've always been around sewing. During my childhood, my mother sewed constantly - everything from clothing to doll dresses to home decorating. It is part of my history.

Maybe I thought by just being in the presence of great sewers, I would just naturally pick up on it. Perhaps I was actually planning to channel Martha herself through my sewing machine. The possibility existed, that something I saw my mother do when I was 6 years old - would click from my subconscious and ...VOILA...I would magically know how to sew a dart...

...or a zipper...

...or a straight line....

Yeah...sewing isn't like that. Sewing, I found...isn't like any of my other creative pursuits.

Apparently SEWING.... has rules. Lots of them. Confusing ones. It turns out that in order to sew something - you have to know what you are doing.

Hmmm... my entire history of self expression has largely relied on making it up as I go along. I've discovered that I am a fly by the seat of your pants crafter. Regardless, I was undeterred from my goal of ruling the fabric universe. I bravely set off on the path to sewing stardom.

This was my first project. It was from a 'SEW EASY' purse pattern - for 'first time sewers!'...LIES!

I stitched the top closed. Yep. Closed. Unable to open. I found that makes a purse harder to use.

I had to go back to the fabric store.

This time I got a contrasting fabric for the liner. What a brilliant idea! That made it much easier....to notice that on my second attempt, I sewed the lining inside out. At least I was smart enough to buy enough fabric for a third try.

The whole time I'm trying to figure out what the stupid pattern is telling me to do...I have my mother on speed dial. Literally, every 10 minutes I called her up and almost demanded that she read the minds of the people who wrote out these crazy directions. I kept Robert updated via text messages and forced my poor husband to figure the pattern out (like he was putting together a swing set).

Fortunately, he did figure it out, because the third time, it actually worked...kinda. I ended up faking the bottom sewing and I used snaps on the straps because I wasn't sure what 'topstitch' meant. I'll bet the end result is not what the 'Sew Easy' people envisioned...but I actually really love it! I use it as a book bag and it is super soft and easy to carry.

After my bag fiasco, everyone assured me that one of the easiest pattern to learn sewing would be pajama pants for kids. GREAT! I have a kid! She wears pajama pants! It must be fate! I can do this!

Yep. Sewed the crotch closed. Closed. Lacking the ability to enter. Again. I didn't even realize it until I was finished.

At this point you are probably thinking that I must have some kind of fear of fabric openings.

I would have to agree. I guess when I see two pieces of fabric, some voice inside me tells me to sew them together, no matter what the pattern says. Maybe I have developed a new obsessive-compulsive disorder. But HEY...I got the pockets right...damn it! She can't put them on, but she can put stuff in them (that is more than I can say about that first purse attempt!)!

I think this was the point when I called my mom and apologized for complaining about wearing home-sewn clothes when I was a kid. I vaguely remember not wanting to wear my mother's creations, and now I am embarrassed by that. I had no idea how much work went into it. Hailey was going to wear these pants even if I had to staple them to her.

Completely exasperated, I cut out all the pants pieces again and - without sewing anything - asked Nathan to follow the pattern directions and pin the fabric where it should be sewn. He came out with the same result I did (oh thank God I'm not totally crazy). So for 30 minutes, he and I troubleshot the pattern. We had to get a pair of his store bought pants out as an example...but we (ok...he) finally figured out where I went wrong.

I was able to make my daughter a pair of very long, loosely fitting, clown pants...and she loved them.."Those are my favorite pants EVER!" Made it all worth while (sorry again Mom).

By this time, I was beginning to realize that fabric is expensive. So when I came across a pattern for the cutest felt doughnut, I thought...perfect. What could be easier...no lining, no crotch. Felt is cheap. I'm pretty familiar with a doughnut shape...I got this one.

Now it seems that I developed an inability to sew things closed and that became my downfall (Whipstitch? What the hell is whipstitching?). At least I was exploring new areas of failure.

Four doughnut mistakes later...I finally made this chocolate doughnut with pink icing. Is it cute...? Sure it's cute, but not a cute as it would be if it was doughnut #1 and not doughnut #5.

Three projects under my belt, but it feels like 20 (my scrap pile makes it look like 40). Oddly enough, my enthusiasm has not wavered - even though the realism has set in. For me, there is almost something 'zen-like' about sitting down at that machine - like craft yoga. I make the creative decisions up front, then I can let go and give in to the execution. For ten minutes that seam allowance line on my sewing machine becomes my mantra... and I don't have to think about anything else.

So I will take it project-by-project, hopefully I'll learn things along the way. Maybe I'll take a class - maybe they know what whipstitching is. My desire to rule the fabric universe...uh...yeah...that may take a little longer then I planned...

...a little longer and a lot more fabric.

Talking the Talk

One of the things I am discovering that is delightful about having a kid, are the conversations you find yourself involved in. Many, many funny exchanges happen not only between you and your child but with other adults as well. Some of them are those 'You had to be there' type moments, but a lot of them are still funny after re-telling. Don't believe me..? Here are three example of recent conversations that struck me as funny and still do.

Food
We are always looking for ways to expand her 'food vocabulary' - what she will eat at home has a far narrower scope then what she will eat at preschool (thank God she is eating healthy somewhere). We recently have resorted to creative ways to get her to eat new things - protein (beyond peanut butter) is a tough one. So when I gave her some ham lunch meat a while ago, she started whining about not wanting to eat it...and this is how the conversation went...

Hailey - "I don't like Ham forever!"
Me - "But Hailey...this is No Zombie Ham"
Hailey - "What?"
Me - "It's No Zombie Ham...it keeps zombies away"
Hailey - "It does?"
Nathan - "Yep, zombies are scared of ham. If you eat ham, zombies won't come near you"
Hailey -"Oh...OK"

*and she proceeded to eat the entire bowl... and has not complained about ham since.


Boys
Another topic we have discussed is a little more - delicate. We got word from preschool that Hailey (and some other girls) have been overly attentive to a certain boy in class and his parents are getting concerned.

Ok...she's kissing him - a lot apparently.

So Nathan had a talk with her about kissing boys. The end result is that Hailey has agreed to two things... #1 - that school is not the place to kiss boys. #2 you shouldn't kiss boys until you are older. From what I can tell, she has stuck by her promises - at least there have been no more concerns from her teacher. The agreement prompted her to tell us one day that...

"I can't wait to grow up... so I can move out and kiss boys" Awesome.


'Normal' Behavior
This one is the most recent. Hailey has had a wicked cough and runny nose lately. The night before last, she woke up screaming about her ear hurting. So I promised her I would take her to the doctor's office. Now... it helps if you understand that....it was just one week prior to yesterday's appointment, that she was in the same office for pink eye. That day, it took myself and two nurses to corner her behind the reception desk after she went running and screaming from the exam room.

So yesterday, when she was thrashing about the table, completely incapable of sitting still or being quiet... I have this conversation with her doctor...

Doctor - "This is 'normal' for kids that don't feel well."
Me - "What is normal?"
Doctor - "This extreme ramped-up behavior. Often kids that don't feel well will exhibit more energy and stubbornness."
Me - "Actually, this is really good behavior for her."
Doctor - "Oh...um..ok..."


There is never a dull moment -or- a dull conversation when kids are involved.

Ahh...Memories

I have been thinking a lot about what my personal life has become recently. Living with a small, imaginative and slightly hyper (*cough...cough*) child keeps you on your toes. Things change so much that it is not only hard to keep up, but you don't have to time to even think about how your world has been altered. During one particularly rigorous, weekend housecleaning session, I had the realization that I now find myself doing a lot of things that I never imagined would be part of my daily routine. I began fondly remembering aspects of my former life as a N.C.C.P (Non-Crazy Child Parent). I decided I needed to share those things that have been seriously altered in my life within the past 4 years.

I remember when:

• Cleaning the house didn't involve scraping 'things' off the entertainment center with my thumbnail.
• I could leave a restaurant and not be sticky (or embarrassed).
• I could watch a movie (TV show, commercial...anything) without having to answer 30 BAZILLION questions.
• (related to the above) I remember when I used to know the answer to a question... ("Why is that cow brown?")
• (also related to the above)...or could even understand the question in the first place...("How is that man with wings mad at the brown zombie cow?")
• I remember the days when my living room carpet was the same color.
• Doing the laundry didn't require a multitude of stain identification/removal techniques.
• I almost remember what waking up 'naturally' feels like - and I'm pretty sure it didn't involve someone climbing into your bed and farting on you.
• I also remember when I didn't spend a significant amount of my day cleaning stickers off things.
• When telling someone "just a minute" actually lasted a minute.
• I could vacuum the carpet without first inspecting it with a magnifying glass for small toy-like objects.
• There was a time when I ordered a meal without being asked if ..."it was for a boy or a girl".
• I used to take days off of work because I was the one who was sick.
• A quiet house didn't make me nervous.
• I could be more than 4 feet away from the paper towel at any given moment.

That all being said, I also remember that my days in the past were never this hilarious, unpredictable and oddly rewarding. I go to bed at night happy that we all made it through the day unscathed - even if the carpet didn't. So I will gladly keep trying to identify which toy the mysterious chunk of broken plastic belongs to... or finding ways to remove ballpoint pen marks from the couch cushions... it's worth it in the end.

Really...