Winding the Clock

Today is my 40th birthday.

Four...Zero...

You know what, I'm O.K. with it. I wasn't exactly sure how I would feel when I woke up this morning, but as the day progresses...I'm feeling pretty darn good. I'm getting a lot of love today, friends and co-workers have been wishing me Happy Birthday all day.

This morning, I put on my favorite shirt, new jewelry, lip gloss... and I am happy with myself. I also feel good physically, I have been taking care of myself lately - I have more energy and just generally feel better. When the clock hit midnight last night, I didn't suddenly turn grey and get wrinkles. I didn't dry-up, crumble and blow away in the wind.

Yesterday I got a new hair color and style. While I was getting my hair done, my stylist's 18-year-old daughter was there talking about her latest boyfriend drama...she was young, blonde... absolutely gorgeous and weighed about as much as a sandwich. As I listened to her, I thought to myself...'there is no way in hell I'd ever change places with her'.

I like who I am at 40. To further prove that point, I spent about two hours at the Department of Motor Vehicles yesterday, renewing my drivers license. If you ever are feeling hard on yourself, go down to the DMV and people watch...after about 20 minutes, I promise that you'll leave there feeling like a Kennedy.

Jamie at daycare taught Hailey how to sing Happy Birthday and they called me this morning and sang it over the phone - how does life get better than that? Would I have appreciated the value of that moment when I was 20? Looking back...I can tell you, no I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have had the slightest inkling of how important that would be to me. Today it is everything.

I have a much greater awareness of who I am, good and bad. I have had enough experience with life to be articulate with my feelings and enough courage to be unafraid to share them. I see the little details side by side with the bigger picture. I know the steps that I have taken that led me to this moment and my own personal vantage point. I am grateful for every one that I took.

Four...Zero...

It's just a number. It's not even a very big number...I know because I still remember enough high school French to count to 40.... so it can't be that big.

I came across a quote that neatly sums up my feelings about today...

'You can't turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again'

I'm going to wind my clock back up today. I'm not going to worry about the time that has past...I'm too excited about the time yet to come.