Tonight we read Hailey a story before putting her to sleep....
"Goodnight room...Goodnight moon.....Goodnight cow jumping over the moon..."
This morning, we put my cat to sleep, no story...just hugs and tears. Lots of tears.
Those of you who know me personally have probably met Dolley, at least if you have known me for the past 18 years... because that is how long I had her. 18 years... that's a long time. I bought her from a pet store right after I graduated from college. She was only a baby and just had her own litter. While her kittens were selling like furry, black and white hotcakes, everyone was looking past the scruffy-looking momma cat with udders like a cow. I saw her....she was at a crossroad in her life, just like I was. I fell in love.
I already had one cat, Madison... and the two of them learned to live together like a brother and sister who loved each other, but didn't always like each other. Those two... saw everything in my life, my best days and my darkest moments. Dolly and Madison sat up with me and watched me play cards and games with my friends until all hours of the night. They came with me to graduate school and kept me going when it seemed like everything in my life had melted away. The two of them were the only family I had with me on the night Nathan proposed... and 'my cats' became 'our cats'. They were my friends, my family, and my creative inspiration. They were diaries with fur and witnesses to who I was... before I became me.
I loved them both, I loved them differently. Madison passed several years ago, a week before we got our puppy, Harley. While it wasn't a surprise, I didn't expect it, and it hit me square in the chest for weeks. Today, with Dolley...I had to make that decision. I've been avoiding it for a while, because I just couldn't bear the thought of it. I know in my head that it was the right thing to do, but I have yet to justify it in my heart.
Everyone that takes a pet into their lives, knows that 'that' day has to come, and yet we still shelter them, feed them and let them sleep on the bed (even though they lick your face at 3:00 am). We spend so much time, energy and money on them, knowing that they will only be in our life for a moment and it will always...always end the same. Delaying it only postpones your pain... not theirs. Why do we do this to ourselves?
I think the answer is pretty simple really, your pets are the only beings that will love you without judgement, without criticism, completely and totally. Even the people you love most in life have behaviors you don't care for. Pets don't care if you snore or clip your toenails in the dining room. Honestly, I don't even love myself as much as my pets love me. That is all it takes, that is what makes it all worth it.
"Goodnight room...Goodnight moon.....Goodnight cow jumping over the moon..."
This morning, we put my cat to sleep, no story...just hugs and tears. Lots of tears.
Those of you who know me personally have probably met Dolley, at least if you have known me for the past 18 years... because that is how long I had her. 18 years... that's a long time. I bought her from a pet store right after I graduated from college. She was only a baby and just had her own litter. While her kittens were selling like furry, black and white hotcakes, everyone was looking past the scruffy-looking momma cat with udders like a cow. I saw her....she was at a crossroad in her life, just like I was. I fell in love.
I already had one cat, Madison... and the two of them learned to live together like a brother and sister who loved each other, but didn't always like each other. Those two... saw everything in my life, my best days and my darkest moments. Dolly and Madison sat up with me and watched me play cards and games with my friends until all hours of the night. They came with me to graduate school and kept me going when it seemed like everything in my life had melted away. The two of them were the only family I had with me on the night Nathan proposed... and 'my cats' became 'our cats'. They were my friends, my family, and my creative inspiration. They were diaries with fur and witnesses to who I was... before I became me.
I loved them both, I loved them differently. Madison passed several years ago, a week before we got our puppy, Harley. While it wasn't a surprise, I didn't expect it, and it hit me square in the chest for weeks. Today, with Dolley...I had to make that decision. I've been avoiding it for a while, because I just couldn't bear the thought of it. I know in my head that it was the right thing to do, but I have yet to justify it in my heart.
Everyone that takes a pet into their lives, knows that 'that' day has to come, and yet we still shelter them, feed them and let them sleep on the bed (even though they lick your face at 3:00 am). We spend so much time, energy and money on them, knowing that they will only be in our life for a moment and it will always...always end the same. Delaying it only postpones your pain... not theirs. Why do we do this to ourselves?
I think the answer is pretty simple really, your pets are the only beings that will love you without judgement, without criticism, completely and totally. Even the people you love most in life have behaviors you don't care for. Pets don't care if you snore or clip your toenails in the dining room. Honestly, I don't even love myself as much as my pets love me. That is all it takes, that is what makes it all worth it.
Because she loved me so unconditionally, I know she has already forgiven me for the decision I can't forgive myself for. I'm sorry Dolley, my sweet princess, I will miss you. Find Madison and keep him company.
"Goodnight Room, Goodnight Moon...
Goodnight Dolley" ...I love you
1 comment:
I Love You.
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