Un-Adoptable

So I get a call from daycare today that Hailey has been put in a special 'time out'. Apparently she can't keep her paws off her friends and she just laughs when you put her in her regular time out. As a result, Miss Jamie put her in her [play]pen -with no toys, blanket or binky - for 'behavior reflection time'.

Hailey is eating with a spoon all by herself now and doesn't like to be interrupted. I called during lunchtime to see how she was doing. My girl was enjoying her smushed carrots so much that when Jamie took the cup to scoop the last bit for her, Hailey threw serious 'hissy-fit'. I could hear it...through the phone...she was loud...and mad!

Hailey has even lost some interest in potty training. Sitting on the big girl potty isn't as exciting as it used to be - the potty express has slowed way down.


So while talking to Jamie today I realized that my daughter:

• Can't keep her paws off her friends
• Had to be placed in her pen for playing rough
• Is food aggressive
• Is not house-broken
  
  According to the ASPCA - if Hailey was a puppy, she would be un-adoptable.

Go Hailey!

According to daycare, Hailey sat on the potty yesterday and sang:

"Go Hailey, Go Hailey, Go... Go.... Go Hailey!"

Potty training just doesn't get any better than that.

The Flip Side

Things have been going along really nicely lately...days are a little predictable, but that isn't always a bad thing. Some exciting things are happening in my extended world...just enough to keep life interesting, but not anything that demands a time commitment (unless I want it). It is always times like this when things are comfortable, that my mind wanders into less idyllic realizations...

it's still really hard to be a working mom.

Hang on, hang on...it is better than it used to be. A lot of time has passed since those first days apart, and I am much better about being a working mom... 90% of the time. I no longer cry as I drive into work - that has to get me some bonus points! Besides, Hailey has an independent streak that (to be honest) sometimes I am glad to have a break from.

But on a day like today, a Friday...nice weather, general good mood - Hailey gets to go to the zoo for the first time. I have to work. I had a meeting in the afternoon and work to catch up on. I just couldn't justify taking another day off...regardless of the weather. She is going with a group of adults...all of whom I trust, no problem there. My daycare lady really deserves to have this outing, she works very hard and is great with the kids. It will be nice for her, not only have someone to help, but also to have adults to talk to today. I really hope they have a great time!

But there is a flip side too...I'm missing it, and it makes me sad, really sad. Regardless of how much I hope they have fun... there is another part of me that didn't want it to happen at all. I wanted to go too, I wanted to take Hailey to the zoo. I should be there. As a working mom, I knew that I was risking experiencing a lot of firsts for myself, but that is the way it has to be - I've come to terms with that. This feels like something that I should be able to control, regardless how innocent it is.

I know this isn't about Hailey, it's about me. It's totally about what Momma wants. The fact that I understand that, is the reason why she is going to the zoo without me today (plus... Jamie is a friend and really does deserve it). Jealousy can be ugly, its not something I want people to believe about me. I didn't want people to see the selfish flip side - the Mr. Hyde to my Dr. Jekyll. As a result, I almost didn't blog about this at all.

But there it is - and denying it feels like some kind of lie. Apparently that feeling is also a part of motherhood. You can't be there for everything - events that should be in your control aren't always - your children will have experiences you don't share in, even when they are little. There are things you feel when you are a parent that don't seem to fit the mold of what you imagined. I expected some fear and worry, but not jealously, loneliness and certainly not selfishness. They will sneak up on you when every thing is going smoothly and the days are predictable...even on a beautiful Friday afternoon.

I wish every post I made could be a cute update or a funny story...but its not like that. If I didn't write about the flip side, I don't think this blog would be worth reading.

Curly Girl

Here are some new pictures of Hailey and the halo of blond curls around her head.

The heart-pounding excitement of potty training has worn down. She still likes to sit on the potty, but she doesn't really go. She loves getting toilet paper and washing her hands afterwards. I knew she wasn't going to be instantly trained - I'm just glad she isn't afraid of the potty.

Hailey is now VERY good at saying 'thank you' when you do something for her. I grabbed her blanket this morning as she made her way to the kitchen and when she realized she had forgotten it, I handed it to her and she looked me right in the eye and said "dak ew". We still have to prompt her for 'please' and she really doesn't like to say 'sorry' - but she does.

She still won't let me put 'hair pretties' in (ponytails, pigtails), but Miss Jamie is a pro at it and she often comes back from daycare with a cute hairdo. Every time mom tries, I get the head-shaking "NOOoooo" whine. Mom just isn't fast enough.

She is getting really good at feeding herself with the spoon! Holy cow, I didn't realize how super convenient it is to be able to put a bowl of food down, cover every inch of her body in vinyl bib, give her a spoon and let her go to town. We can actually make our own food while she eats. That's better than sliced bread! My only problem now is getting dried applesauce off the dining room walls.

She is really just a full-fledged toddler - super cute and into everything. I never really gave much thought to what being a mom would be like but here it is:

When I am with her, I'm so exhausted and tired that I just want to sit down and have a moment for myself. When I am not with her, I miss her like crazy and call daycare just to hear her say 'Hi Mommy'. She's amazing, frustrating, funny, tiring, cute and stubborn. It is easy to get irritated when you are trying to do something and she is leaning all over you...until you realize that she just wants to touch you, be near you...and those years are unfortunately way too short. So mommy-hood is just being caught in this glorious cycle of contradictions - a constant stream of work that makes me crazy...but I would be crazier without it.

My Big Girl!

Just a quick post here... I don't have a lot of time, but I am too excited to not write this down.

My daughter understands the potty!!! We haven't really been working on actual potty training, but we have been working to get her to tell us when she needs a diaper change. If her diaper is really bad, she will grab your hand and lead you to her changing table. Often, she'll just play the 'I'm an indecisive two-year-old' card and tell you she's not wet when she is.

Today however, she took Nathan's hand, led him....not to the nursery...but to the bathroom, and said 'Poop'. She let Daddy hold her over the toilet and she made a valiant pushing effort (with no result).

I'm so excited!

• She understands what the toilet is for!
• She's not afraid of it!
• She told Daddy instead of us asking her if she is messy!

And...this is the biggie...

• She told him BEFORE she went. She actually recognized the feeling of having to go to the bathroom and put that together with the toilet. She's only 21 months old.

I'm so proud of her! We are going out after work to get 'potty accessories.'

Tonight, We shall feast!!!

Potty Party at Hailey's House!

* note * - later on in the day, Daddy helped her really use the potty! She pulled down her own pants and went #1 on the big girl seat! She's going to be easier to potty train than the dog!