Hailey's first Thanksgiving was a success...she overate just like everyone else and had 3 bottles at my parents house! This of course put me behind in the bottle department.
While she tends to prefer her milk in a bottle, it is still all from me. I never thought that breastfeeding would be so stressful. While you are pregnant (at least for me) the thought of breastfeeding freaked me out. I couldn't imagine what it was like... I read about it, I took breastfeeding classes, I tried to do everything I could to prepare myself. Even then, there were a ton of unanswered questions - things that you can't know until you are at that point....Would it hurt?....Was I even going to be able to do it?
Yes. On both counts.
At least it hurt at first... now not so much anymore, and now I know I can do it.
But since I have gone back to work, my concerns have changed. How can I get enough pumped? I feel like I wear that stupid machine on a chain around my neck... like my own personal albatross (if you didn't get that, read the Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Coleridge). Hailey is getting bigger and she needs more at each feeding than she did before. I have been eating better, exercising and drinking about 10 glasses of water a day, but I still can't get caught up. I haven't been able to freeze any in weeks!
Of all the things I worried about when it came to breastfeeding, it never occurred to me to worry about the amount. I never realized that I was going to be this child's sole source of food - and not just for a little while but for months! From what I have read, kids start solids around 5-6 months....Hailey is only 3! Holy Cow! Literally!
Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike breastfeeding. I still enjoy the bonding time - even though we only get to actually do that in the morning (the rest is via bottle). I will just be very happy when a little pressure is taken off me. I have to admit, that we got so far behind that we have given her a couple bottles of formula *boo hiss*.
Why is 'formula' such a dirty word? Even just typing it, I felt ashamed. My mother completely raised us on formula because (and I quote) "that is what you did back then". Yes... breast milk is best for your baby. I understand that...I got it. Mothers are really made to feel guilty if they don't breastfeed. I am breastfeeding and I feel guilty....she's only had it twice! I have to remind myself that - she needs to eat. What is more important... that she gets fed exclusively breastmilk or that she has enough to eat everyday? Its obvious when you think about it that way, but there is still a sense of failure if I can't produce 24 oz. of milk a day.
*Sigh* but stressing out doesn't help you produce more. I will sit here, hooked to my machine, drinking water and thinking positive thoughts.....
I hope her first sentence is... "Please pass the cranberries Mom."
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